On Febuary 12th 2011 (my half birthday) I got to go to the St. George temple with my best friend, Kim, to be there for my son, Carson Ryder Warby's sealing to his adoptive parents Shaun and Jamie. I couldn't go to the sealing of course because I'm not endowed... but my brother Royce and Sis in Law Cathy and my Mom and Dad got to whitness it. They all told me the spirit was so strong there, in the sealing room! They also said it was a truely amazing thing to whitness.
When I saw Carson Ryder being brought out by his loving mother, afterward.... My feelings were so strong; feelings of happiness, excitment, love, peace, but also sadness and heartache. It's a difficult emotion to express but it's definately not regret. Happiness because I truely did all I could to give him everything I could, even if it wasn't with me...Excitment! love and peace because I love seeing him with his parents and family and how much love there is there. He really is one of their family, now for forever and eternity. Sadness because I wish that I could be the one holding him calling him mine... Heartache, because I miss him. Every day I miss him. I hope he will accept me when he learns really WHO I am.
I especially love how he has a father. A father he can look up to and respect and look at as a role model. Shaun is such a good dad for him. More than anything I wanted Carson Ryder to have a dad. I felt so strongly that he needed one. A dad who is compassionate, loving, strong, funny, and who Carson will feel comfortable and loved enough by him that he will come to his father for his needs that a mother... couldn't do. I was there for Carson's baby blessing given by Shaun. My dad got to stand in the circle. That blessing was truely inspired. I pray that Carson will have the opportunities that were meantioned in the blessing.
I can not express how much love I have for this little family, well large including all the cousins and relatives! And i'm so grateful that Kim came with me. I needed her there. I'm glad she got to see what my adoption story is really like, first hand.
Thanks for the tears before bed :) I pulled up that song From God's Arms to mine to yours in another window and had that playing as I read this and it was so so so touching. Good music always does it for me and so does amazing stories like yours. You are such an amazing woman and your strength is just so strong. I know that sounds funny but I am having a hard time finding the right words but I sure do love ya Jaynie :)
ReplyDeleteBay, I knew how you must have been feeling the hole time while we were down there, even though I know you don't share your feeling... EVER, but I know you and you are my bestfriend. I'm so greatful to you that you let me go with you. Your an amazing person and Ryder is going to love you no matter what. You have the most amazing spirit about you and know that this story touches a lot of lifes. You are so strong, I'm greatful for you in my life. Thank you so soso so much for always being there for me. Adotion is an amazing thing,and don't let anyone tell yo any different. Giving him up to a family that really needed him was a very couragous thing you did and I admire you for it. I love you Jaynie! Thanks for being my best friend!
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